Saturday, June 27, 2009

Iz Kitteh

Hello CJB!
You Have (1) New Message
Subject: kitteh says halps!

Iz kitteh. Need noms so weak. So weak, iz fell off windowsill. So weak, iz roll over fall off bed. Ladiez don't care. Ladiez go for water-tide in - then makes her own noms. She not care about kitteh. Why you not here? You care about kitteh. Kitteh needs you. Kitteh cares about you and your noms. No, no, no, just you. just you. Kitteh not care about your noms. You care about kitteh? Kitteh hungry, maybes starving, maybes kitteh not last until you comes home. Kitteh just wants to says goodbyes to kind daddy and noms. Goodbye noms. No, no, no, goodbye daddy. Iz last message from hungry kitteh that loves you. Stole ladiez daddy-communication device to say I loves you. Turkey soooo good but was hours ago. Goodbye, cruel ladiez, goodbye lovely daddy with noms who might come home to rescue kitteh?? Kitteh never forgetting you... So weak. Light fading... Hanging on to hope of seeing daddy (and noms, bring noms) one last time...


Ps - I no likes pate or chicken. Don't bring those noms. I don't like. Want beef. Or trouts.
Thursday, June 25, 2009


Anodyne Inc. Fun Fact

Today my real-money purchases of Still Undisclosed Position accounted for 100% of the stock's daily trading volume on the TSE.

Waste My Time, Please (Special Bonus Round). (a.k.a. Why My Cat is Brighter Than the North American Publishing Industry)

PHONE: Ring!

CJB: Good morning, Pulpfiction Books.

RANDOM HOUSE OF CANADA: Hi, I'm calling about your pre-order for Dan Brown's forthcoming blockbuster bestseller, The Lost Symbol.

CJB: Uh-huh?

RHC: You've ordered 5 copies.

CJB: Sure. Special orders for my regulars.

RHC: Well, in order to ensure that you receive this sure-fire bestseller by its on-sale date, we have a minimum carton quantity of 16 copies, or a stand-up display of 40.

CJB: My chances of selling 16 copies of a book that will be available at Costco for cheaper than the wholesale price you're charging me are exactly zero. So I think I'll stick with 5 for now, thanks.

RHC: You realize that we won't be filling small orders for...oh, at least a week after the book comes out.

CJB: Really.

RHC: Yep. So can I put you down for 16...or 40?

CJB: I have a better idea. Just cancel my outstanding orders for this title. I'll buy them at Costco like everyone else.

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