Thursday, June 25, 2009

Waste My Time, Please (Special Bonus Round). (a.k.a. Why My Cat is Brighter Than the North American Publishing Industry)

PHONE: Ring!

CJB: Good morning, Pulpfiction Books.

RANDOM HOUSE OF CANADA: Hi, I'm calling about your pre-order for Dan Brown's forthcoming blockbuster bestseller, The Lost Symbol.

CJB: Uh-huh?

RHC: You've ordered 5 copies.

CJB: Sure. Special orders for my regulars.

RHC: Well, in order to ensure that you receive this sure-fire bestseller by its on-sale date, we have a minimum carton quantity of 16 copies, or a stand-up display of 40.

CJB: My chances of selling 16 copies of a book that will be available at Costco for cheaper than the wholesale price you're charging me are exactly zero. So I think I'll stick with 5 for now, thanks.

RHC: You realize that we won't be filling small orders for...oh, at least a week after the book comes out.

CJB: Really.

RHC: Yep. So can I put you down for 16...or 40?

CJB: I have a better idea. Just cancel my outstanding orders for this title. I'll buy them at Costco like everyone else.

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