Waste My Time, Please

It's the day before I leave for NYC and everyone through the door wants to mess with my head.

1.

LOST GUY: I'm looking for this book Trinity.

CJB: Any other information you can give me? Fiction? Non-fiction?

LG: It's by the author Y-U-R-I-S.

CJB: Sure. Leon Uris. Far wall, General Fiction, under "U."

LG: No, the author's name starts with Y. Like I said.

CJB: [deep breath]

CJB: Far wall, General Fiction. Under U.

LG wanders off. Plentiful sales. In the middle of one large complicated transaction, LG toddles back up to the counter.

LG: Yah, ya have it!

CJB [to paying customer]: $54.95, please.

LG: I SAID YA HAVE IT!

CJB: Do you mind? I'm in the middle of helping this fella.

LG [oblivious]: I said I KNOW YA HAVE IT NOW! But I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!

CJB [accepting cash, counting back change to real customer]: Thanks very much for coming in today.

LG: What am I, FUCKIN' INVISIBLE TO YA?

CJB: Yes.

2.

YALETOWN GIRL: Do you have that book Dragon Tattoo?

CJB: Around the corner...mystery paperbacks...under Larsson.

[Book located]

YG: I'll have you know I usually don't read shit like this. It's for my book club!

3.

Totally Competent Part-Time Guy recently left for grad school in Ontario. All of TCP-TG's hipster friends, acquaintances, and various hangers-on promptly arrived seeking his hours, some bearing resumes, some hands-in-pockets, and some just unrelentingly straight-up mean. Like this guy:

CJB: Can I help you?

JOB HUNTER: Just wonderin' about [FORMER EMPLOYEE]'s hours.

CJB: Yes....?

JH: [FE] mostly worked weekdays, and that's good, 'cause it'd fit in with my schedule.

CJB: Yeah, but I'm not doing any hiring at the moment.

JH: Well you'll have to fill his hours, man. And I left a resume.

Alienating the boss has always struck me as a peculiar way of looking for work, but what do I know?
- posted by cjb @ 4:02 PM