ORANGE TOQUE WITH A POMPOM ON IT: Heeeey, man.

CJB: Hey there.

OTWAPIT: Is this place doin' any hiring?

CJB: Nope.

OTWAPIT: Well when will ya be?

CJB: No time soon.

OTWAPIT: Oh.

And:

PHONE: Ring!

CJB: Good afternoon, Pulpfiction.

MALE VOICE ON PHONE: Got some questions for you, guy.

CJB: Uh-huh?

MVOP: Do you have Scott Lynch's Red Seas Under Red Skies?

CJB: Sure, I'm looking right at it on the new book wall.

MVOP: And are you doin' any hiring?

CJB: Nope. Should I put the Lynch on hold for you?

PHONE: [dial tone]

Logical consequences:

1. Calling me "guy," "bud," "buddy," "man," or any variation thereof automatically reduces your chances of being hired here by approximately 99.9%

2. Wandering in the door hands-in-pockets and asking if we're "doin' any hiring" just makes it seem like you're bored off your ass. Unbuttoning your blouse an extra three buttons before you ask conveys the same impression, plus a serious lack of self-respect.

3. The best way to get hired here is to show up with a resume describing your new or used bookselling career to date, or a resume demonstrating copious common sense and good judgment, or a mixture of both.

4. If the thought of you working here gives me and/or the other staff a migraine, we're not hiring. If you want to work in a bookstore because you think it's a slack-ass job where you'll get paid to sit around and read all day, we're not hiring. If you really like reading and talking about books, but don't like shelving, lifting boxes, or pricing books non-stop for six to eight hours at a stretch, we're not hiring. And if your other life commitments prevent you from working except on Mondays from 4-6pm and Thursdays from 8am-9:45am, again, we're not hiring.

All of which aside. . .

5. Out of the 10+ people who've worked with me in the almost nine years the shop's been around, at least half walked through the door with a resume in hand. Two, including the shop's super-bright and ultra-competent manager, had no previous bookselling experience of any kind.
- posted by cjb @ 5:40 PM