These Things That I've Been Told

BOOKSTORE REGULAR: So, I'm going out on a blind date with one of your regulars.

CJB: Oh yeah? Who?

BR: [TOTALLY UNFAMILIAR NAME]

CJB: He's a regular?

BR: So he says. He was in last Saturday, when you were throwing that guy out. He'd never seen anyone thrown out of a bookstore before!

CJB: He can't be a regular here, then. Seriously, though, I haven't given anyone the boot for weeks. Maybe he's thinking of some other bookstore.

BR: No, he definitely said it was Pulpfiction on Main Street.

CJB: Maybe I just blocked the experience out. Anyway, have a good time!

UPON FURTHER REFLECTION:

Saturday morning, 10am:

OLD BRITISH GUY WITH HITLER MOUSTACHE: I've got some excellent stock for sale!

CJB: Bring it in!

BOX 1: Reprint leather hardbacks c.1950 -- Stevenson, Wilkie Collins, Zola, etc.

OBGWHM: I'll need a pretty penny for those!

CJB: These are pretty common reprints, but, sure, I can make you an offer.

BOX 2: Trashed Susan Howatch, Da Vinci Code, etc.

OBGWHM: You're not taking them all?

CJB: Sir, these books are totally unsaleable.

OBGWHM [of Da Vinci Code hardback with tiny toothmarks along the bottom boards and edges of the dust jacket]: What's wrong with this one?

CJB: Well, it looks like a mouse or a squirrel has been chewing on it.

OBGWHM: You didn't think I'd be bringing in the good ones, did you? [ACTUAL QUOTE]

CJB: I have an idea--

OBGWHM [interrupting]: And this one? What's wrong with it? [Susan Howatch hardcover, no dust jacket, held together with duct tape]

CJB: I don't really have to tell you, do I?

OBGWHM: Look, I don't like your attitude!

CJB: Sir. Grab your stuff and hit the fucking road.
- posted by cjb @ 11:24 AM