Anodyne
Saturday, June 19, 2004
 
Bar Yourself from an Antiquarian Bookstore! (5 Easy Steps)

1. Spend 10 or 15 minutes making a big pile of one-of-a-kind items, the sort of high end material the dealer sees once or twice a year.

2. Try to wrangle a discount on the pile, including an item clearly marked, "Sorry, no discounts, no trades," priced at close to the dealer's original cost.

3. Go apeshit when politely rebuffed. Scream and holler. Storm outside.

4. Wait 30 seconds or so. Storm back inside. Continue yelling and screaming. Tell the dealer (who doesn't recognize you, let alone know your name) that you're "one of his best customers," and that you're "never comin' back." Pause for full weight of this threat to sink in. Scream at a few of the dealer's employees, for good measure.

5. Storm outside, hop in your Porsche, and drive away.
- posted by cjb @ 9:08 AM


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