Saturday, May 25, 2019

Blaster(ella) Cat, 2003-19.  Courtesy her family.
Thursday, May 23, 2019

The following exchange, two years ago, in an intensive-care ward at VGH with a friend very close to death, midway through a 20-minute visit:

G [out of nowhere, surprised]: Who's that cat you brought in?

CJB: Cat?

G: That little grey...girl cat.  [Points at the end of his bed].  I can see you.  Yeah. I see you winking at me.  [to me] She came in with you!  They don't allow...cats in here.

CJB [very weirded out]: G., is the cat you see a kitten?

G: Looks like it, yeah.  [long pause]  But she's old.

Last glimpse of a grumpy but loving old friend, attended by a better-natured younger housemate and (unseen) a co-parent photographer and a very old spirit who seldom travels far from me. I am sure of very few things in this life but am certain that animals can feel themselves loved, as this old beauty has been & will be.  Goodbye Blasterella; L. & I were privileged to know you. I will look for you near your chickens, in the shadows on the lawn. 
Wednesday, May 22, 2019
"I have disabused myself of any thought of a normal future, but I allow myself a provisional optimism about the possibilities of what time I will be allowed. And I’m determined to experience what life will allow me. I know I have a short while possible to me, but I don’t want to constrict or profane that with recrimination or a distorting bitterness."
Monday, May 20, 2019
"After the ceremony, I walked around different old neighborhoods, which were remarkably untouched by time. Aside from the occasional person taking photos with their phones, it may as well have been 1978, when sophisticated metropolitan nocturnal decadence like “Josie,” “FM (No Static at All),” and other Steely Dan songs were [sic] floating out of cars driving throughout Rego Park, Elmhurst, Kew Gardens, and Forest Hills in bright mid-afternoon--"

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