Anodyne
Saturday, November 20, 2010
 
Waste My Time, Please

INTOXIMICATED YOUNG GUY:  Got any Chucklowsky?

CJB:  Sorry, didn't catch the name. 

IYG:  Chucklowsky!

CJB:  And he or she is...?

IYG:  He's a famous American writer, man!

CJB:  Never heard of him.  Name's spelled...?

IYG:  Uh.  K-L-O-W. . . [PAUSE]  Fuck, I don't know!

CJB:  Are you thinking of Charles Bukowski?

IYG:  That's him!

CJB:  [SHOWS HUGE SELECTION OF DISCOUNTED NEW TITLES]

IYG:  Huh.  You don't have that...uh...book of beat poetry of his.  That he did with the other guy.

CJB:  "Other guy"?

IYG:  Sorry man.  I've been drinking!

CJB:  You don't say.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
 

Metropolitan (16), 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
 
Waste My Time, Please (Special Bonus Round)

JACKET COPY:  Using Your Thoughts to Change Your Life and the World.  Featured in THE LOST SYMBOL!

CUSTOMER:  Have you read this book?

CJB:  No.

CUSTOMER:  Why is that?
 
Waste My Time, Please

YOUNG WOMAN:  I need a real book expert!  This has been in my family for ages and I need to know what it's worth!  It's from the 1800s!

CJB:  Are you asking for an appraisal, or trying to sell the book to me?

YW:  An appraisal.

CJB:  That's a fee-based service, which is [$] an hour, with a half-hour minimum.  But...thirty second synopsis...this book is a single part of a multiple-volume series, it's missing its spine and half of its first free endpaper, and it looks like it's been stored in a gerbil's cage...

YW:  Five hundred bucks and it's yours!
 
Windblown silver sky, a few streaks of blue.  Orange rattling leaves.  A crow hops from branch to branch on the other side of the road, blown off-course by the gusts that keep sweeping in from the west.  Deflect, bump head on branch, correct course.  Flurry of black wings.  Today's so-called customers don't want to buy anything, they just want to share opinions that there's no polite reply to.  "I see Volume One of Remembrance of Things Past everywhere, but they're not printing Volume Two any more," says one guy.  "I know a fella who says he's read the whole thing.  Not much of an accomplishment, really." How am I supposed to answer this?  You just automatically disqualified yourself as a judge of...well, anything, really.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
 
Deficit reduction 101, courtesy Anodyne HQ

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