Anodyne
Saturday, August 20, 2005
 

 


ART (Aesthetically Rejected Thing)
: Vanity Press Spam Email

(verbatim as received)

"Hi, I'm trying to promote my book called Zellah by D.C.Zapata from publish america.com. Its about a witch who needs to change her ways. Does she do it? There are white winged horses and a dragon that flies from a portal in the sky. The witch then turns the mountain and animals into stone. If you like Harry potter then you will love Zellah. So buy a copy and sell it at your own price. Part two will soon follow. You never know it may be the next hit. Please help I have too sell 20000 copies. Thanks!"

Friday, August 19, 2005
 

Steely Dan -- the Gaucho Outtakes

"Aja came out in 1977 and Steely Dan took three years fighting with their record company before they released Gaucho in 1980. Unknown to most fans was the 'lost' Gaucho, a complete album vastly different to what was released. Of the songs that appeared on Gaucho only three appeared on this lost version in different form."

(thx Pete)
 

Christmas in October: Dangerdoom, a new collaboration between MF Doom and Danger Mouse.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
 
My violently racist, homophobic, aggressive panhandler nemesis Manson (q.v. many previous entries) lurched out into Robson Street's traffic early Saturday morning, where he was promptly hit and killed by a drunk teenage driver.

Anything I could add to this news is superfluous, so I'll refrain.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
 


Comics Publisher Blows Up Lawnmower. Film at 11!
 

Stephen Waddell, Man with Tar, 2001
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
 
Building handyman/wiseguy Gene, leaning in through the open CSA door:

"Now you know that manual labor's not the president of Mexico."
Monday, August 15, 2005
 


The gallery's wooden floor is coated in sticky, asbestos-laden black tar.

I pour out patented Foam Away ("EASY TO USE! ENVIRONMENTALLY SAFE!") from a square metal can. A pale, piss-yellow liquid that smells like oranges. Brush it on with a $1 paintbrush. It foams up, turning the tar to coffee-colored froth.

Leave it sit half an hour, then scrape, with a sharp-bladed tool. A thick black sticky resin gathers along the edge of the blade.

Scrape, clean the resin off, do it again.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
 
Working late, refinishing the CSA Space floor.

Sirens.

Six police cruisers, the paddy wagon, two ambulances, and a fire truck all converge on the porn theatre across Main Street.

Eight cops, two firemen, and three ambulance attendants go inside.

Justifiably curious, Gene and I wander over.

Through the open front door:

Eight grinning cops kneel on the carpeted lobby floor, holding down an unhappy, handcuffed, totally nude and seriously hallucinating man.

"What's your first name?"

"WHUNG! WHUNG! WHOOP! OOOP! OOOP!"

"What's your last name?"

"HOOOOO! OOOOOOH! OOOOOOOH!"

"We're going to lift you onto this stretcher now, okay?"

"AIIIIIIIE! AAAAAAH! OOOOOH!"

Hallucinating Guy exits the premises handcuffed and rubber-banded to the stretcher.

"Show's over, folks."

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